I don’t keep in mind if it was my husband or therapist who first floated the thought of surrogacy, however I do keep in mind my response—an unequivocal no. I used to be 35 years outdated, wholesome, financially safe, and married to a wholesome, financially safe, and emotionally supportive accomplice. Within the 12 years we’d been collectively, I’d by no means as soon as tried to get pregnant, and I ought to no less than should strive. Surrogacy was for individuals who had struggled for years with infertility, who had gone by way of numerous rounds of IVF and failed implantations. Surrogacy was for individuals who had suffered. Who did I believe I used to be to deal with somebody’s final resort as my first?
Then I did endure, although it had nothing to do with my fertility.
I had simply moved into my new home, and a buddy requested for photos. I stepped onto the hearth fireside in the lounge to get a greater vantage. After I stepped off, I rolled my ankle and went down laborious. I heard what seemed like a twig snapping.
It was a “good” break, within the fifth metatarsal bone of my foot, one that will heal cleanly in eight weeks. For that point I’d want to make use of crutches and put on a boot. I’d gotten a finger caught in a automobile door as a child, however aside from that, I’d by no means damaged something earlier than. After I started experiencing ache in my calf, I attempted to reassure myself that it was soreness from the boot. The boring ache flared scorching on the lightest contact, not insupportable but in addition completely different than something I’d felt earlier than.
I emailed the physician and described my signs. He emailed again that he might get me fitted for a unique boot. “It’s super-unlikely,” he added, “however when now we have calf ache in any immobilization, blood clots enter our thought course of.”
I wrote again asking how I might schedule an appointment for the brand new boot, including that I used to be on the capsule so blood clots have been at all times considerably of a priority. He reiterated that it might be “actually, actually unusual.”
I nearly left it there. Within the months that adopted, I might obsess over the phantom model of myself who was too uncomfortable to nudge one final time, who closed her pc and carried on along with her day. Who didn’t go to the hospital for an ultrasound, the place the tech found a deep vein thrombosis (DVT) in her proper calf. Who died as a result of she hadn’t needed to be pushy.