John Oliver spent a number of minutes of his Final Week Tonight opening section speaking in regards to the 2024 presidential race, however he devoted a great chunk of that point addressing the baseless rumor that J.D. Vance as soon as had intercourse with a sofa.
As you’d anticipate, Oliver isn’t any fan of Republican candidate Donald Trump‘s vice presidential working mate.
“J.D. Vance sucks a lot that it says one thing that for just a few days this week, the web ran wild with a joke tweet that he was the primary VP decide to have admitted in a New York Instances bestseller to fucking an inside-out latex glove shoved between two sofa cushions, with a quotation to a web page quantity from his memoir,” Hillbilly Elegy: A Memoir of a Household and Tradition in Disaster, Oliver stated on his HBO present.
Whereas that isn’t really true, Oliver opined that he might imagine it may need occurred.
“It’s not in his ebook, however I believe the explanation it spreads so quick is likely to be that A, no person learn that fucking ebook, and B, it was extremely straightforward to imagine, as a result of if you happen to ask me to attract a person that fucks his sofa, 10 instances out of 10, I’m drawing this man,” he stated, exhibiting a photograph of Vance. “For those who ask me to play Two Truths and a Lie with this man, earlier than he even open his mouth, I shout, ‘The reality is he fucks his sofa!’ I’ve by no means seen somebody with extra couch-fucker power.”
Oliver continued: “He seems to be like he watched the Tom Cruise-Oprah interview and was jealous of Tom’s footwear. For those who advised me that his first movie star crush was the plastic couch from Everyone Loves Raymond, I’d imagine you with out query. For those who advised me the explanation you discover cash in between sofa cushions is as a result of J.D. Vance at all times leaves a tip, I’d be like, yeah, yeah, that sounds proper.”
The Final Week Tonight host famous that the rumor even made its means world wide, with a Norwegian media outlet posting the headline “Hadde ikke intercourse med couch,” which he quipped “feels like an indication they needed to put up in IKEA after J.D. visited an excessive amount of.”
Oliver additionally referenced the Related Press‘ resolution to publish a fact-check with the headline “No, J.D. Vance didn’t have intercourse with a sofa,” which the information outlet later faraway from its web site. The hyperlink then took web surfers to a message studying “web page unavailable” and the reason that the story didn’t undergo the AP‘s “normal enhancing course of.”
“No shit it didn’t as a result of there’s an apparent downside with that unique headline,” Oliver stated. ” And the explanation I do know that’s we care lots about info and exact phrasing on this present. So I can let you know, you’ll be able to’t say J.D. Vance didn’t have intercourse with a sofa definitively. You possibly can say that he didn’t write about doing that in his ebook as a result of that’s provable, however that’s not the identical as asserting he by no means fucked a sofa, particularly as a result of he hasn’t formally denied it.”
Oliver then stated that his employees reached out to Vance’s marketing campaign final week, asking point-blank if Vance “ever had intercourse with a sofa.”
“They — and that is true — hung up on us, which is, and that is essential, not a ‘no,’ is it?” he stated.
Observe-up texts and emails have additionally been left unanswered.
“However … look, who is aware of the place that is going,” Oliver continued. “The information is transferring so quick proper now, the RNC was solely final week, it was solely two weeks in the past that Trump was shot and there are such a lot of variables between right here and November. We don’t know who Harris’ VP decide might be. We don’t know which candidate will preserve momentum. The race is inconceivable to foretell. However … till he tells us in any other case, I’m gonna assume that J.D. Vance fucked a sofa.”